The Deal
by forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Ron is pining after Hermione, Lavender has the hots for Seamus; the pair make a deal to help each other out, but end up finding they have a lot more in common than loneliness. Will either get the one they love?
1. The Deal

Chapter 1 – The Deal

"Got it bad huh?" The voice startled him. Jumping, Ron turned around and saw Lavender Brown sitting on a sofa by the fire. He tried to look annoyed but gulped as he knew instantly that she had seen through his mask. He had just been saying goodnight to Hermione and she had seen. He had just failed at the casual wave and then stared longingly at the space she'd left and the blonde sitting to the side of him had watched. He could see it in her eyes from across the room.

She _knew. _"Relax, I won't tell anyone." Mind reeling at her confirmation, his eyes darted around the room looking for any other witnesses as he tried to process this. "I have a proposition for you." Startled by her choice of words the red-head merely stared at her for a moment before his legs took over and he walked over wordlessly and sat opposite her. Looking bolder, she uncrossed her legs and went on in a business-like way. "We both want other people and I have a plan." He blinked, trying to keep up; a proposition? How long had she been thinking about this? How long had she known about his – somewhat badly hidden – feelings? She shook her head almost smirking a little, dismissive of his silent question. "It's obvious, if you know how to look." Frowning he was about to wonder aloud why she was looking in her particular way at him when she continued hurriedly. "Look, if you follow the plan you can get your girl and-" He was distracted from his suspicion of her motives by her pause.

"And you get to have…?" Blushing a little, she sighed, giving in to his playful eyes underneath a raised ginger eyebrow and murmured.

"Seamus." He couldn't help but mirror her loudly.

"Seamus?" She reddened more but stared straight into his eyes.

"Hermione?" Not intimidated, something about the way she spoke about their situation put him at ease, he looked offended on his secret love's behalf.

"Yeah!" Lips firmly pressed together he eyed her and she did the same for a moment before he eased back and bit and waved his hand, asking her to continue. "We…well, act like we're together to make them jealous." She didn't breathe whilst he considered this, his expression hard to read, the earlier certainty faded. He almost asked for her to repeat the proposition but tightened his lips as he thought about it. His voice was hoarse before he coughed and went on warily.

"If I do agree to this, which I, I dunno…How would it…work?" Letting out a relieved breath she licked her lips and explained quickly.

"Well, we'd act all couple-y and kiss and stuff when we're around them. You know, making them jealous." There was another silence in which he licked his lip whilst considering every possibility, the blonde bit her own lip, knowing this part to be the riskiest bit of her sketchy plan. She hadn't really thought of any other strategy than just explaining what she wanted, figuring that Ron wasn't one for dancing around things; although he danced around Hermione well enough. He surprised her by speaking suddenly and as though half-way through a thought.

"It's not that, it's just that I don't think it would work." Cocking her head, she forced herself to let him finish; she tried to breathe normally, to show no fear. "She wouldn't get jealous, I mean why would she? She doesn't…she-"

"Of course she does, of course she would! Look Ron I see the way she looks at you." For the first time he looked her straight in the eye and for a moment she was transfixed by his gaze, he seemed to see right into her very soul, to be searching her naked mind. Shaking her head almost violently she went on a little shakily. "And even if she doesn't like you as much as you like her, she'll still notice you, still see you differently… It's something. Something different." Averting his gaze to somewhere over the girl's shoulder he considered this. She had a point. Different had to better than how things were now. Nodding to himself he looked back at that sunny face.

"Can I think about it?" Although she wasn't pleased with that answer, she smiled and said softly.

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, I'll think about it then." There was a moment of tension when their eyes locked. Ron stood and she leapt up as he started to walk away.

"Okay then. But, before you go." She stepped towards him and kissed him on the cheek. For the first time in the exchange she saw a flicker of bemusement through his confusion. Shrugging, her cheeks reddening a little she replied. "For not laughing in my face." They both smiled and then went their separate ways, biting their lips in thought.

The next day, Ron watched Hermione more often than usual, in fact, he didn't stop watching her. At breakfast, on the way to lessons, during lessons, lunch, their break, lessons, more lessons and then 'doing homework' in the Common Room that evening. He compared her expression to how it was when thinking, listening to him or Harry talk, how she looked at himself and then how she looked at Harry and then other people, how she looked when she concentrated hard and when her mind was drifting. He already knew all of these expressions, but he was paying extra attention on her face when she interacted with other people and was deeply disappointed to not see any difference in the softness of her eyes or the line of her mouth when she looked at him as opposed to Harry or anyone else for that matter.

He heard Harry ask him what was wrong and realised that he hadn't written a word since sitting down, well, he hadn't written a single word the whole day so it didn't bother him much. He muttered something about feeling unwell and again didn't see any change in her face which was angled downwards to her page, even though she didn't look at them he knew she was listening in, it was her 'subtly observing others whilst half-concentrating on work' face and she'd been wearing it more often in the past few weeks. Ron supposed because Harry had had a spate of nightmares recently and things had been tense for a while. Chewing on his quill he narrowed his eyes on the page but none of the words became any clearer, his inner eye picturing Hermione return to full concentration. Wow, how had he become so obsessed in such little time? Well, he'd been Hermione Watching for a while, even before he knew he was. It had only been since the Yule Ball that his gaze had become longing, aching. It almost hurt to watch her and realise that she was detached from him, always so close and yet so far away. He remembered Lavender's words. _Something different. _Whatever it would be, it was something he desperately needed.

Sighing, he turned and found Lavender's gaze from across the room. He held it for a moment and then nodded, the understanding passing between them. It was on.


	2. Into Action

Chapter 2 – Into Action

He could barely see through the red and gold dancing past his eyes, robes and ribbons and large banners as cheers and music reverberating throughout his entire body. The Common Room was filled with tumbles of people, falling over each other and embracing, laughing and shouting. Ron felt himself be peeled from Harry by the ever changing crowd of cheering Gryffindors. They'd won! The match was now a blur in his head, limbs flying and the world spinning as he swerved and fought to knock the Quaffle away. A frustrated growl from a Slytherin chaser whipped past as cheers and chants rang out, flags and banners and flashing lights bombarding his senses. He hadn't even known the score until he'd descended and everyone had been shouting it through the blare of klaxons. The celebration hadn't let up once from the stands to the Gryffindor Tower and he was still a bit lost in it all. All he knew was that they'd won-Suddenly lips were on his, a warm body pressing against his chest as the uproar exploded once again around them. Body responding instantly, arms encircling the intense warmth and lips pressing back his brain slowly caught up and he only properly remembered the deal when he stepped back and saw a blonde biting her lip and staring back at him. Numerous people were staring and talking at him and each other but for a moment he was snagged on that uncertainty in those eyes. Recovering he grinned and eyes flickering she released him so he could turn be bombarded by everything again.

Seamus was the first one to pat him on the back and make an inappropriate comment loudly and slightly drunkenly in his ear and others joined in, laughing and joking and nudging each other with shoulders and elbows. Harry's face popped up with a cautious expression, though his words were encouraging if surprised, his eyes weren't sure. Ron tried his best to ignore this reaction, nodding at the hand on his shoulder and drawing up another smile as Seamus threw an arm around him and steered him to the drinks table. The high was incredible and he was half-shaking as he accepted the Butterbeer. Twisting around, half-listening to the Irish lad's commentary he searched for her but didn't see any bushy brown in the crowd. Suddenly his lips felt cold and clammy. The kiss had been invigorating and heated but it…Smiling weakly at words he didn't register from what maybe was Seamus, he kept on searching, stomach plummeting as he realised. It hadn't been her. It should have been her.

…

"Hey," Lavender turned around, looking shy but mouth lifting upwards. She was pleased that he'd sought her out, even though they'd agreed to meet on the corridor below the Gryffindor Common Room to swap notes and check progress, she hadn't been sure whether he would have thought to come there after the end of the celebrations. Everyone else was probably in bed or close to it, but he'd come to see her_. No, don't think like that, remember the deal._ Clenching her fists whilst keeping her face relaxed, she stood up from where she'd been perching on a window ledge and took a few steps to mirror his.

Seeing those lips, Ron fought the urge to touch his fingers to his own in remembrance and gulped. After he'd given up looking for Hermione he'd felt a bit sheepish at his earlier thoughts. He hated being dramatic and feeling, well, he didn't know… Guilty perhaps? After all, it wasn't Lavender he wanted to kiss and the fact that he didn't know Hermione's reaction, or if she had even seen. Gods, he suddenly hoped that she hadn't seen. Oh, what was the point of having a fake girlfriend to make Hermione notice him if he didn't want her to see? No, no why would she care? Hermione wasn't much of a party person, she had probably just gone away to study. Yeah, yeah he should stop worrying until he got his head sorted. Blinking, he realised that neither of them had spoken in a while, he scratched the back of his head and began awkwardly.

"So…What happens now?" Looking up at him cautiously she couldn't help but recall how his body had felt pressed up against hers, the roughness of his jumper under her fingers and the softness of his lips. Despite everything she wondered how he felt about it, whether he'd shared the rush, had he tingled the same as she had? She half-sighed as she shrugged and said.

"We wait."

"We wait?" She nodded, a ghost of a smile creeping onto her lips.

"We wait." Ron nodded, the candle-light lighting up the different shades of red in his hair causing Lavender to step closer and reach out to him. Playing with the zipper of his jumper almost flirtatiously she stared down at it, her smile deeper as she said slowly. "See how things go." The blonde looked up, studying her fake boyfriend's eyes for his reaction. There she almost died at the self-conscious and goofy expression, eyes twinkling despite his slight discomfort. Without warning, the blonde rose onto her tiptoes and covered his mouth with hers tenderly. Taken back, he didn't pull away or deepen the kiss and neither moved for quite a while until finally she stepped down, averting her gaze, suddenly shy. She shrugged as he looked on with a bemused expression, saying quietly. "I don't think we really got it right in there." Still a confused by her move, he felt a little reassured by her explanation and comfortable enough in her presence to be honest, the red-head lifted her chin so she could see his widening grin; speaking just as softly as she had done.

"Whatever you say." Giggling breathily as she felt the tension dissipate from her shoulders as they slowly walked back to the Common Room, not daring to discuss everyone's reactions or anything at all, their fake-relationship not really one where they talked but when Ron heard a noise from up the stairs he took her hand and they walked closer together. When they reached the top of the stairs the Portrait was still and there wasn't a sign of anyone around but Lavender suppressed a smile as she focused on the feel of Ron's hand remaining firmly in hers. Saying the password he looked to her and nodded, a little smile on his face as he nodded for her to go first. Flashing him a glamorous smile she pulled forward and they finally let go as they went in and to bed.


	3. The Waiting Game

Chapter 3 – The Waiting Game

"Oh me boys, she's a complete firecracker!" The Irish boy grinning and rubbing his hands together as his head swung this way and that, eyeing all of his avid listeners. Well, that's how he saw them. Ron shook his head with the rest of the dorm at Seamus' latest conquest story except that his expression was more disapproving than wearily amused. Seamus' often graphic descriptions of his 'conquests' had never ridden well with Ron; at first he'd been interested and sometimes amused, but with the maturing of his sister and the thought of boys speaking about her in that way, he had become wary of that kind of attitude. Plus, it definitely looked like his 'dating' Lavender wasn't having the desired effect on his dorm-mate as he had just finished an excruciating tale about a make-out session with a busty Ravenclaw. Seamus hadn't changed one bit from his usual randy self, at least not outwardly. Ron often wondered what the attitudes of his other dorm mates had towards his tall tales and whether they believed that a Ravenclaw, with all her intelligence and pride, would actually allow Seamus to do such things to her. In any case, Lavender's plan wasn't working for her and Ron didn't think that anything could stop Seamus being a womanising bastard. When the Irishman ran out of steam, the boys soon settled down and began drifting off to bed, Ron very glad of it.

Lying in bed, after another awkward evening of near-silence with a particular someone and then that cringe-worthy story-telling session with someone else, it had crossed his mind that Hermione's silence may have been because of his new relationship rather than a dislike for Lavender. Maybe she really did like him, as in, fancy. Fancy him, she could fancy him, like…Like he fancied her; like he longed for her, her wit and high-arched eyebrows, her passion and strength. He longed for her to notice him, laugh with him, desperately wanted to hold her hand and run his fingers through her hair, to just…make her happy. No. No it didn't seem possible that she could feel the same way that he did. Why should she? Still, maybe she did feel something more than friendship for him. Suddenly he had felt uncomfortable about the whole thing, if Hermione did like him wouldn't this deal hurt her the way seeing her with Krum and McLaggen did him? Before falling asleep he decided to tell Lavender that he wanted out.

The next day it was quite nice out, the sun shining amongst some white clouds and a soft breeze dancing through the grounds. Stealing an hour after class and before dinner, Ron and Lavender strolled hand in hand along the grass in full view of the Gryffindor Tower. Lavender started talking conversationally but with a certain weight.

"So… anything?" He was always reluctant to report bad news but knew that he would hate it if she gave him false hope. Ron sighed and shook his head to her open question; no to Seamus, no to Hermione. She now refused to talk to him; when the trio were sitting together very little was said, the boys feeling awkward chatting as normal with the tightly wound coil beside them, not that they were all together much anymore. She preferred to go to the library over the Common Room to study and it seemed that studying was all she was doing lately, other than disappearing to her room with the curtains around her bed closed, according to Lavender's report.

"I guess we just…I don't know have to wait a bit longer." The breeze blew around them, ruffling their hair and cloaks as they stopped, reaching the edge of the lake. He breathed in deeply before turning to her and related his concerns. Their move had certainly affected Hermione but Ron wasn't sure exactly how and whether it was a good sign. The blonde nodded and murmured quiet encouragement as they sat down on the banks of the lake, letting him let it all out. He was staring out onto the water as he talked, trying to explain.

"I can't see her, feeling the same I way I do but at the same time…" Ron suddenly "I know what its like to see someone you, like, with someone else. It's shit! I would hate it if anyone did to me on purpose." A tentative hand on his slightly shaking arm, Lavender began cautiously, assuring him that Hermione probably was jealous of the relationship but they should wait to make sure. As it was Hermione, a usually vocal person, hadn't actually said anything to him.

"I think she's just trying to work through her feelings. Us 'dating' has really shaken things up and it's just going to take a while to sink and make her see things properly." Thinking about it, he supposed she would say that, wanting to carry on and see if she could get a reaction from Seamus. Though when he muttered a sarcastic comment and she giggled, he was surprised to be warmed by it. Not that he had really given much attention to anyone else than Harry, Hermione and his dorm-mates, but he'd previously thought most of the laughs of girls to be annoyingly high-pitched and hysterical, especially Lavender's. Now he knew that she had as many masks as he did, he wasn't surprised that he saw her differently. Getting to know the real her he'd found that she was actually pretty funny, her humour warm but quite sarcastic. He really liked her and could see them remaining friends whenever this whole thing was over; when he thought about it, the 'deal' was probably one of the best things in his life at the moment. The least he could do was to see where it would take him, both in his understanding of relationships and experience of dealing with girls; because despite being fun and honest, Lavender was still a girl. For example, he was hearing a lot about girl's conversations and what they thought about each other; picking at the grass, Lavender was telling him about a confrontation between her and a Ravenclaw girl, coincidentally the girl who Seamus had claimed to have been with, though Ron wouldn't dream of bringing that up.

"…when she said that I was just like, so… stunned! I just thought: 'Do you really think I'm that dumb?'" As she went on with the story, finger curling around a strand of hair, Ron found himself really looking at her. Her gaze was wondering lazily around the distance, nose wrinkling slightly and her mouth twisting; although her face and body was relaxed she wouldn't look at him, half-hiding her eyes. She was joking, but at the same time she wasn't; despite laughing she really had taken it to heart. This was a technique Ron knew well, often using it himself in the aftermath of a prank or harsh teasing from his brothers or dorm mates. Lavender glanced at him, noticing his lack of reaction and stopped completely when she recognised the look in his eye. Neither spoke for a beat before Ron placed a gentle hand over hers that was paused midway through picking the grass, the smallest of smiles coupled with soft eyes telling her that it was alright. He knew. He understood. He felt it too. Without taking her eyes off his sympathetic face she upturned her palm and held the offered hand, gulping as he squeezed it. Slowly, he pulled her to him and shifting their legs slightly, they embraced, half-kneeling on that torn-up grass.

Feeling emboldened by his hug, she pulled away a little and kissed him sweetly on the lips. He didn't resist or pull away when she held them there for quite a while. Hands moving up to the back of his neck, one set of fingers burying themselves in his hair, the other lightly stroking his cheek as she parted their lips slightly; his arms were still around her and at this development they pulled her a bit closer as his lips responded to hers, parting and pressing slowly and gently. Ron felt a shiver up his spine and it pulled him from the warmth of comfort into cold guilt. It was amazing, it felt so good…but it wasn't _her_. Pulling away gradually but with finality, he tried to ignore how Lavender turned her face away slightly as they helped each other up and began walking back to the castle, all without a word.

…

"Lavender? Gods Ron haven't you got standards?" Harry gasped as Ron scowled at her. The boys had been walked back to the Gryffindor Tower after dinner when Ginny had caught up with them, tapped her brother on the shoulder and opened with that cruel line.

"Ginny!" She twisted her mouth at Harry's chastening, slightly regretting her harshness but still folding her arms and continuing.

"I just meant that I think Ron could do better." There was a brittle beat of silence before Ron muttered darkly.

"Don't insult her again." Intimidated by his tone, Ginny didn't avert her gaze but whitened slightly and nodded wordlessly. Satisfied, her brother turned away and strode in the opposite direction. Fingers into fists he snorted breathily like a dragon as he longed for some stupid Slytherin to give him any reason to lash out. He shouted in his head as the rage bubbled and fizzed in every muscle. How dare she say something like that? She had no idea who Lavender really was, she didn't even talk to Lavender at all, how could she presume to judge her? Gritting his jaw he shoved his hands in his pockets as he was suddenly hit by the evening breeze. The sky was darkening slightly but he had time for a short walk to work off the rest of his anger. Comments like that about people you hardly know…It was ignorance at its ugliest. It made him feel sick that anyone should insult Lavender, a kind and thoughtful girl, who was fun and clever and… Yes, she acted spiteful and stupid and insufferable but doesn't everyone act differently amongst acquaintances as opposed to true friends? He knew that he did. Ginny had no right to judge Lavender like that, just like Hermione doesn't have the right if she really does judge her. But the thought that angered him the most was that a week ago, he probably would have said the same thing. Kicking some grass he growled before standing still in his guilt. Was he doomed to just feel bad all the time? Sighing, he turned and walked slowly back to the castle -


	4. Okay, Waiting Time Is Over

Chapter 4 – Ok, Waiting Time Is Over

"He's so fit! I could just look at him all day!"

"You do!" The excitable pair giggled as they gossiped; magazines slack in their hands and make-up products scattered around them on Lavender's bed.

"But oh my god Pav, he's such a good kisser, just his lips are so…." She shivered and they laughed again, nudging each other and Parvati used her magazine to fan Lavender's face. After they'd settled down a little they heard the tiniest of coughs and the sound of a page being turned loudly. Parvati didn't bother turning round but Lavender flashed a glare across the room. It had been a few weeks now and Lavender could tell Ron was getting doubtful about the whole thing; it was about time they got a reaction from the bookworm and nothing worked as well as indirect and 'innocent' provocation. The majority of her attack being outlandish boasts of Ron's prowess and also a not-so-subtle suggestion that she doesn't care about him as a person but as a symbol of her popularity. Oh, if only she could have shown him the look on his best friend's face when she'd said he was a bit thick. Parvati had slapped her lightly, a little shocked, and even Lavender thought she'd gone a bit far but it had been worth it to see that brown fuzz-ball storm out of the room, wearing a scowl that could probably do bodily damage if she focused it hard enough.

…

"It's working." Ron jumped as Lavender came up behind him in their meeting corridor. He'd just been strolling to their normal windowsill, pace slowed as he'd seen her absent when she'd called. Turning, he took in her bouncing hair and wide grin, raising his eyebrows in surprise and cautious optimism as she stopped in front of him and he leaned against the wall, arms crossed and waiting. She stepped even closer and lowered her voice despite the corridor being deserted. "It's working." Grinning at him she pulled him into a deserted classroom and shutting the door saw him perch on the teacher's desk, something on the tip of his tongue. She stood in front of him and waited.

"Well… I overheard her talking to Harry about us." He didn't look at her, studying his fingernails and mumbling. Widening her eyes a little she coughed to prompt him, which he did in due time. "I couldn't hear exactly but something about Harry needing to talk to me about us." He sighed and she didn't push him, placing a tentative hand over his own to stop them from fidgeting. At this stillness he looked up and said glumly. "But she didn't come to me." Lavender bit back an 'aww', he really was adorable, and smiled a little as she said.

"Of course she didn't. Could you walk up to her and tell her you have a problem with someone she was dating?" He squirmed a little, flashed her a look and looked away again but she knew he was listening. "When I was gossiping with Parvati about us, Hermione was getting really pissed off, and I know what you're thinking!" He'd looked back at her, a mixture of emotions melting across his features as she tried to interpret his suspicions. "She could have just wanted to study like always but no, I know that she's jealous, I just know it!" Clapping her hands and grinning she nudged his arm with a knuckle. "Not long now." Looking brighter, back a little straighter he bit his lip and curiously he asked.

"What kind of things were you saying?" Smiling broadly she tried to keep her voice breezy.

"Oh, just about how fit you are." They laughed easily but he still went a bit red. Pleased to see his blush, a welcome change from the arrogance she usually encountered from boys in her year, she nudged their shoulders and winked. "Not that you should go getting cocky or anything Weasley." He smiled further but she saw something flicker in his eyes. How well she knew that same doubt flashing beneath the surface. Tilting her head she remembered the comfort he'd offered her a few weeks before, sitting on the banks of the lake. "But you are," Reaching up she placed a palm to his cheek, "your skin is-" He interrupted her gruffly.

"Too pale." Pausing until his gaze locked onto her own she tried to convey her sincerity as she rubbed his face with her thumb.

"No, not too pale, creamy, soft," Leaning in she placed a small kiss on her cheek. "Extremely kissable," Face warming a bit more he smiled a little as she went on. "Now what are these?" Using both hands she lightly traced the spattering of freckles across his cheeks making him shiver. Sliding her hands up she brushed his fringe back. "And your hair," Ignoring his self-conscious mumble she went on a bit louder. "Reminds me of fire." He gulped as she ran her fingers through his hair. Guiding his head down slightly she kissed the tip of the nose that she suspected he thought was too big and then looked into his eyes. For a moment her mind went blank, caught in those wavering eyes. "And your eyes…the deepest blue I've…I've ever seen-" She was stopped as they kissed each other, lips firm and suddenly hungry. "Lips," She breathed as they broke apart to let him get off the desk. "Oh gods!" She groaned as he wound his fingers into her hair and pushed further up against her. Running her tongue along his bottom lip he let her in and answered with a soft moan of his own. He felt so hot, something burning fiercely inside of him; he clung to her desperately feeling a pressure building behind his eyes. She was all he knew; her soft hair, wet lips, warm mouth and her burning body bombarding his senses in pleasure and comfort. She wanted him, she wanted him…he was wanted. Every nerve tingled in joy and he wrapped his arms tighter around her lower back. Lost in breathlessness and tantalising shivers they sank onto the floor, clinging to each other with feverish hands.

He didn't know how long they kissed for, time being forgotten in the warmth she was radiating, just that suddenly their hands were underneath each other's shirts and he was hard. No. He pulled back a little roughly, eyes wide and mouth parted, scrambled up and took a step back, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. Recovering from his sudden absence a little slowly, Lavender got up gingerly, face flushed as she thought of a way to break the taught silence lengthening between them. Ron let out a little choked cough and tried to laugh, a gesture which she reciprocated briefly before breathing in deeply, straightening her clothing and announcing. "Actually, there was something I was hoping you could do for me." Stepping a little closer and trying to calm down, Ron raised an eyebrow, not trusting himself to speak. Lavender smiled. "I need you to talk to Seamus." Fully recovered, Ron groaned in despair as she laughed freely.

…

Oh gods, how had he ended up having this type of conversation without the other boys to absorb some of it? He'd planned to bring up the subject of girlfriends before they went to bed when everyone else was there so it would be a group discussion but he'd somehow managed to get cornered by the man himself and seeing the opportunity didn't make the usual excuse and run. Seamus was just going on and on about someone who he couldn't even remember the name of and Ron was just sitting on his bed trying to figure out a way to find out what he needed to know.

"Not as fit as your girlfriend though eh?" He tried not to flinch as his arm was elbowed sharply and drew an awkward smile across his lips. This was his chance. But how to phrase it without making it sound weird? This was so awful! Twisting his lip he chanted in his head. It's for Lavender, it's for Lavender.

"You think so?"

"Yeah mate, I mean, Lavender's fit!" Oh gods he's got that grin on his face, retreat! Ron cringed inwardly. No! She asked him, she asked him, it's for her, just get it over with.

"What do you like best about her?" The sandy-haired boy was genuinely surprised by this and laughed.

"I dunno, it's your girlfriend shouldn't I be askin' you?" Hands clenching surreptitiously in his sheets, Ron cleared his throat and began awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, erm…Well I guess, she's got nice eyes and…" Luckily Seamus overcut him.

"I was gonna say arse and tits mate, man! What a lucky man you are!" Nodding eagerly, he went on boldly.

"Yeah, the luckiest guy around I reckon." Smirking a little his friend crossed his arms.

"Well mate, I dunno bout that. I mean," He patted Ron on the shoulder with an indulgent look. "You have bagged the fittest girl in the House, but if you don't mind me saying, you've done it all wrong. You're meant to sweet talk 'em into the good stuff first and leave out all this…relationship stuff!" Gulping, Ron raised his eyebrows and Seamus went on. "I mean, have you banged her?" Flushing instantly and looking away quickly, Ron coughed and murmured an embarrassed 'no'. Laughing, Seamus clapped him on the back. "S'what I'm talking about! Don't worry mate, I'm sure a bird like Lavender will be more than willing after a few drinks and the good old Weasley charm!" Laughing faintly, Ron held his breath until his dorm-mate left before sighing heavily and gulping down a bit of bile. _Oh Lavender, I'm sorry_.

…

When they next met, this time by the Lake, Ron shook his head gently and she sighed, looking out at the still water and biting her lip. Over the next few days they would half-heartedly continue watching their secret loves, disappointment constantly swirling in the pit of their stomachs. They made out a few more times; each time starting with her embracing him fiercely and ending in Ron stumbling back and blushing fiercely as she told him that she didn't mean it, that she was sorry.

"I'm just…lonely I guess." There wasn't a statement he could identify more with so he would nod and they'd laugh awkwardly before continuing their meetings like nothing had happened. Sometimes though, it seemed like Lavender would start the action without appearing particularly lonely. He knew that she was an expert at emotion control but she'd been almost jumping at him a lot more lately. A few times he'd wondered if she'd started getting a crush on him, but nothing else had changed. They'd still talk about the same things and make each other laugh and comfort each other. He didn't really know what Lavender thought she was doing, her view of their fake-relationship seemed to conveniently leave out the 'fake' part; even though sometimes he lost sight of things too, when he was overwhelmed by his loneliness and confusion whilst being enveloped in her understanding and kindness. No, he decided that he couldn't really blame her for getting physical since he kind of was as well; both of them relished the warmth and comfort they found in each other. They were more similar than he ever would have guessed and that thought gladdened him. At least he'd found someone who understood, some light in all the darkness. He started to think that if she was developing a crush on him, then maybe that wouldn't be a completely bad thing.


	5. In Deep

Chapter 5 – In Deep

"So, what's she like then?" Seeing Ron's questioning eyes Harry coughed awkwardly and muttered. "Lavender…" Harry was trying but failing to sound casual, face burning already; Ron inwardly groaned, this was not a conversation he wanted to have with Harry. They were sitting in the Common Room, unidentified books open on their laps; Ron sat back a bit as Harry went on quietly. "I mean, what do you guys do exactly?" Ron looked at his friend a little strangely. His and Harry's friendship didn't usually involve deep and meaningful conversations, although sometimes they would talk about Harry's nightmares, very reluctantly, or discuss the future, again, reluctantly; despite these brief flirts with depth, they'd never really vocalised their thoughts and emotions with each other. These out-of-the-blue questions were becoming a bit suspicious, though perhaps Harry was trying to fill in the void that Hermione had left, so the red-head decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Honestly Harry you sound like Seamus!" Harry looked slightly offended so Ron sighed and shrugged, rubbing the back of his head as he ventured.

"I don't really know, she's…Lavender. We talk and, make out and stuff. Yeah, I dunno." They both looked at each other for a moment in quiet before Ron narrowed his eyes as his friend squirmed slightly.

"So, you like her then?" This awkward and highly uncomfortable question brought back all Ron's suspicions, for something they never really talked about Harry was persuing it a bit more than was normal for him. Maybe he'd asked Harry about Cho a few times, but never with such insistence. No, Harry wanted nothing more than the conversation to end though was still drawing it out, which meant he had another motive...Hermione. Anger flared inside the red-head as he realised. She'd still not talked to him since his fake relationship had started and he'd been through a maze of emotions since then. This not-so-subtle attempt to find out information, without even speaking to him, solidified his anger and sniffing he folded his arms as his friend made a surrendering expression.

"Tell Hermione if she wants to know anything about me and Lavender then she should ask me herself!" Ron snapped as he jumped up and strode away to get some fresh air.

…

Still fuming from the reveal of his ex-friend's devious methods and his barely deniable disappointment that she hadn't talked to him yet, Ron strode through the quiet courtyard, bristling. There were a few small groups milling around but all he could hear was his own breathing and the rustling of the surrounding trees. The air was crisp, sharp against his skin as he stalked out of the courtyard. A girl calling his name caused his heart to leap in his chest and he twisted around to see Lavender walking towards him gaily, but with steel in her eyes. Ron's mouth twitched, the thought of being in anyone's company irritating him; he just wanted to be alone so avoided looking at her. Smiling despite his surliness, she pulled him down the path to the Quidditch grounds, giggling in case of any wondering attention from unseen spectators. She could feel him itching to wrench his arm out of her grasp as they went quickly into a little clearing in some trees by the path. Now alone, she cupped his jaw, guiding his face to her whilst ignoring his mood, trying to work out what was wrong. Though to be honest, she could quite easily guess what was troubling him. Ron wasn't obliging, moving his chin from her grasp and stepping back but then he was stopped as she said his name quietly, softly. There was her warmth soothing him again; something in her tone holding him there. Gently, she put a palm on his shoulder, her other hand on the opposite cheek as he closed his eyes and breathed in heavily. As she felt more tension wring itself out of his chest, she rubbed the pad of her thumb across his skin lightly and whispered intelligible words of comfort. Drawing closer, heart hammering in her chest, she lifted herself up on her toes and touched her forehead to his; she moved the hand on his shoulder up to the back of his head, tips of her fingers touching his hair, so close she could feel his breath on his lips. Automatically, he lifted his hands to his hips as they inched closer together; she could tell he wasn't really aware of anything but his attempts to calm down and when she judged his irritation disappated, cupped his face with both hands and brought their lips together. For a long moment they were held there by each other, perfectly still in the small gesture of the growing intimacy between them. Then she pressed harder and suddenly his eyes snapped open; he stepped away, shrugging her off as he spat angrily.

"Why are you doing this?" She looked scared, like she'd been caught out, making Ron's cold harshness shrink but not completely dissipate. He wasn't angry again, just more confused than anything else. What was with her? They were only meant to be pretending to get the people they really wanted, why was she pushing him? She gulped and stuttered.

"I…I just thought we should, practise."

"Practise." He wasn't moved. Suddenly it wasn't just 'I'm lonely' anymore. What was she doing? Without looking at him she went on.

"Yeah, I mean I don't know how many people you've been with but I guess a little practice wouldn't hurt… For when you finally get with her." He was taken aback; for one, he had thought 'practice' would entail more intimate acts and secondly he hadn't really thought about well, 'experience' as part of the deal. They certainly hadn't talked about it. Did she think he needed it? Fear and shame flooded him as his insecurities rose up and started yapping at him. Was he a bad kisser? The self-deprecation flashed across his features and she jumped to sooth them. "I don't mean that you need practice!" Her hand was on his shoulder again. "I just thought you might like… something more physical; instead of just emotional advice all the time, you know?" -

"Lavender, I…I may need 'practice' but, doing all this stuff" he indicated between their lips "with anyone but Hermione I- it just doesn't feel right." He trailed off and avoided her gaze, feeling guilty and confused. A bird chirped from somewhere in a tree above them and the breeze played with a loose strand of her hair. Sniffing, she tucked it behind her ear and breathed in deeply, eyes falling closed. He glanced at her and put his hands in his pockets awkwardly. There was something foreign between them that he hadn't noticed until that moment. Something holding them back from... From what? Mumbling some excuse he turned and strode away, picking up speed as soon as he was round the corner and out of sight. He had to clear his head, everything jumbling together in a hot mess between his eyes. Jogging through the courtyard again he reached the doors to the Grand Entrance and slowed a bit, walking fast down the corridors when he turned sharply round a bend and ran straight into Hermione, knocking everything out of her hands. Blushing crimson he bent down with her to help her collect the papers, muttering apologises whilst avoiding looking at her, but when he offered them to her she gritted her teeth and snarled.

"Watch where you're going!" Still confused with the whole Lavender thing and hurt that the first thing Hermione had said to him in weeks was a reprimand, he looked into her eyes and frowned, retorting moodily.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Breathing in deeply she almost smiled as she got herself riled up.

"Apart from getting attacked in the corridors? Hmmm… Well, maybe if you paid attention to someone other than yourself for a change then you'd know that I'm-" She cut herself off but he didn't notice, stiffening at her unprovoked hostility, his anger catching alight again; where had it all come from? He lashed out.

"Attacking you am I? Well what do you care? You just seem like your normal snotty self to me!"

"Snotty? Charming, just charming! I see you don't have any homework that needs doing then, or spoon-feeding!" He spluttered as she shouted over him, "This is the first time you've said two words to me for ages, you selfish git! Of course I'm upset!" Again he didn't actually hear most of what she said, his brain bombarded with crackling indignant retorts.

"Me not talking to you? Oh please! We both know it's been you who's been avoiding me!" Her eyes flared as her voice grew louder.

"I've done no such thing! It's you who's only nice if you're after something! Well let me tell you something Ronald Weasley, I won't do anything for you ever again!" Wounded, he fought to cover it with a harsh snarl.

"Good! If that's what you think of me then then I don't want you to do anything for me!"

"I won't!"

"Good! I'm glad!" Both glared, steam running out as he added almost half-heartedly. "Means I won't have to put up with you!" There was a beat of heavy breathing and wide eyes before she snapped.

"Go away Ron!"

"Fine! Goodbye Hermione, nice knowing you!" Despite his words neither moved, Ron only folding his arms trying to control his trembling body as Hermione jerked her head back like she'd been slapped in the face. It had sounded more of a challenge than an off-hand and impulsive insult but that beautiful face was almost impassive as those full brown eyes wavered. Another pause saw both their expressions flicker, failing to cope with the torrent of emotions whirling through them. Suddenly spinning round, Hermione strode away, leaving Ron fuming and shaking and speechless.

…

He was pacing, one hand running through his hair shakily as he let out deep breaths. Lavender watched him sympathetically, not trying to talk, just letting him walk it all out. They'd skipped dinner to have an emergency meeting in the Common Room, she'd heard about the fight so wasn't surprised by the request but the state he was in had unnerved her. At first he was muttering unintelligibly to himself but then he paused, turned to Lavender and wrung his hands towards her, speaking to himself as much as to her.

"Oh why did I have to fall in love with someone so much better than me? I never had a chance!" He began pacing again, hitting himself on the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He spun round a few more times before stopping and groaning. Nervous energy spent, he half-collapsed into a sofa, eyes blank and mouth drooping. Lavender stood frozen on the spot, eyes glazed and unfocused as she murmured shakily.

"You're…you're in love with her?" Far too lost in self-pity to be embarrassed or notice her reaction, Ron nodded sadly before putting his head into his hands; he couldn't see the shock spreading across his fake-girlfriend's face, though he heard her whisper. "I didn't know." He moaned softly as she went on quietly. "I knew you liked her-" He didn't respond, lost to the darkness in his head. She sighed and felt everything becoming very heavy. "I'm sorry." Gulping, she tried not to look at the slumped figure, shoulders taught and back sagged, but couldn't resist the pull of his sorrow and her guilt. She wanted to leave, oh by the gods she did, but she just couldn't bring herself to abandon him in such pain. Scootching over she rubbed his back soothingly, murmuring nonsense until he sniffed, sat up, wiped his face and went to bed. Without her noticing, people began to enter the Common Room, dinner over and an evening of homework and lazy fun just beginning. She just sat on the sofa, the rest of the House milling around, talking and studying as the evening rolled on. In love. The poor bugger was in love. Could she really help him? Oh Gods, why hadn't she considered this? Suddenly she was being berated fiercely, blinking she realised that the love of Ron Weasley's life was yelling at her. She hadn't even seen the bookworm storm up to her.

"You're just a shallow cow! Why are you even dating him? You don't know him at all!" Snapped out of her shock she snorted and retorted easily.

"You know what Hermione? It's you who doesn't know him!" Taken aback, the fuzzball didn't respond as the blond grew fiercer. "You act all high and mighty with your stupid books and your 'Little Miss Perfect' act but you don't know anything!" Those furious brown eyes dulled suddenly, with confusion but also a fear. Her voice was steady but had lost most of the passion as she almost whispered at the blonde.

"What are you talking about?" Yes, Lavender hissed in her head, here was her chance to fully convince herself that Hermione didn't really love him back.

"How can you be so blind? Haven't you even looked at him properly?" Finally the know-it-all was silenced, gasping with indignation and sudden doubt playing across her soft features. She looked hurt and confused and the bitch couldn't help but be reminded of her fake-boyfriend's pain. Oh Gods, the two poor fools were meant for each other! As Hermione turned and ran Lavender sat down again, folding her arms and trying to convince herself that she wasn't spoiling the two lovebird's chances.

…

Someone called her name. It was Seamus. Trying to plaster a smile on her face Lavender turned to face him. They were alone in the Common Room and she felt vulnerable.

"So…made any progress yet?" She felt sick but smiled coyly, looking over his shoulder and praying for him to be satisfied quickly.

"Oh I'd say so." Shame ate at her insides. "He's got a good feel." He smiled and tapped her on the nose playfully.

"Well the bet's not won until you pop his cherry." Gods she hated this. "I must say weird way of going about it, I told you to just seduce him. I mean, he's only human, how could he resist you?" She should be offended, but when she looked into his eyes, the knot in her stomach and everything else just melted away; Ron, Hermione, the whole stupid bet she'd made with him just to get his attention, just to stand out and have a better chance amongst the dozens of girls he had on the go. It all disappeared when she got lost in his eyes. They were soft and inviting and just, so beautiful. She'd tried to fight it, falling for him, but she just couldn't. He'd ensnared her long ago and no matter what he did or who he shagged, as soon as she looked into those green, green eyes she surrendered all over again. "You hear me in there? Coping a feel isn't enough if you want ya money, he actually needs 'to make a woman of ya'… not that you're not already a woman." He leaned in and squeezed her behind cheekily with an underscore of intensity. Enraptured, she breathed.

"That's the deal."


	6. The Other Deal

Chapter 6 – The Other Deal

Lavender was trapped and she hated it. She'd entered into the half-baked ludicrous bet with a womaniser with the hope of attracting the right sort of attention, but along the way had created a huge barrier in between two people who actually did love each other and had an actual chance of being together. She didn't care at all about the love life of know-it-all Granger, but having 'dated' Ron she'd really gotten to know him, having seen the parts of him almost always hidden from view. She really did believe that she knew him better than his supposed best friend; watching the pair bicker and snap at each other through the years, it seemed impossible that they really understood each other. How could you constantly argue with a friend like that? Sure, you could attribute it to sexual tension and hurt feelings but Lavender didn't buy it. She'd seen him without his defences and she couldn't stop herself from admiring the young man she saw emerging from boyhood. It tore her apart to even contemplate using and manipulating him, possibly even ruining his chance to be happy.

But at the same time, how could she get out of the deal and still retain Seamus' respect? Well, she thought he respected her. Why else would he ask her to help him with his plan? He'd thought of her out of all the girls he'd been with, she was the one who he thought subtle, attractive and clever enough for the job. At least, that's what Lavender told herself, ignoring his initial suggestion that she just go up to Ron and flash him her tits to get his attention. When Seamus had first come to her and asked her to get Ron laid, she'd just been flattered; she was still flattered and desperately trying to keep from thinking about it too much. She hadn't known Ron too well, but she'd seen enough and heard enough to know that he wouldn't go for the full-on approach like Seamus had suggested. Everyone knew Ron was holding a torch for that insufferable twit of a girl and so he was obviously a bit more reserved about that kind of thing than most of the boys she'd been with. Especially Seamus. Oh Gods how she wanted him. His full, luscious locks of dark hair styled so roughly but perfectly begged her fingers to run through it; his smooth, pale skin calling out to her hands, full lips almost puckering, dark eyelashes framing those siren eyes, his eyes, his bottomless eyes!

But it wasn't just his looks, that charming Irishman was just, so alluring, so commanding and confident. When in his presence, she felt calm and sexy and just happy; she never minded his sexist comments or brash humour, it made her laugh. When in his arms, everything else faded into obscurity, all worries, all stresses, all pressures were fleetingly erased by his sometimes hungry sometimes tender lips, his comforting hands and soft palms. He didn't just make her happy, he made her feel euphoric and anything she could do to hold on to that, she would do willingly. In her darkest moments, she'd replay the time she'd had with him as a proper couple and that light would ease the cold loneliness.

They'd gotten together at the end of the previous year and that time had been the happiest of her life. All three days of it. Even though Seamus was a one-night stand type of guy, their 'relationship' was still a fleeting one; but she'd loved every minute. It had started with a bit of fooling around in a cupboard at a Quidditch After Party; he'd been paying her more attention lately and she'd noticed, and having finished with another guy earlier that week, she'd considered Seamus a worthy rebound fondle. Almost as soon as they'd began she'd been impressed with his expertise, he really knew his way around a girl; in fact, he'd almost been too good, reducing her to a quivering mess, she'd hardly been able to refuse him the Full Monty. By the Gods he tried, and almost succeeded in convincing her a few times, but she just about managed to hold it together. That she'd refused him that time impressed him and instead of getting angry like others she'd been involved with, he'd laughed and helped her straighten her clothing, congratulating her on her strength; and although nothing specific was said, both knew that things weren't over between them.

The next morning everyone was a bit fragile, Seamus most of all, but surprisingly, when midday came, usually the time he perked up and thrilled the house with his latest conquest story, no such impressive and at least partly fabricated tale came. He shrugged when questioned, even when his absence had been pointed out, he'd just grinned and tapped his nose, ironically creating more interest than when he came out with a gross amount of detail. The whole day he'd simply refused to enlighten anyone until everyone gave up and moved on to other things, everyone except Lavender. They talked a bit during the day, nothing but small-talk, very aware that they were in ear-shot of everyone. That night they departed from the Gryffindor Tower without so much as a word to each other, before reaching the cupboard; she let him get a bit further that night. The next day was a Hogsmeade visit and in stark contrast to the day before, they spent the whole day together, Seamus ignoring randy comments from some of his mates. Though not outwardly 'together', neither hid the fact that they were in each other's company and for Lavender, it was the day that changed everything. All his jokes became funnier, all his brashness faded under his sometimes suave manner and he grew more attractive by the minute. He was gentle and fun and witty and interesting. And for one day, he was hers. That night she let him take all of her and he still hadn't let her go.

She was afraid that he'd lose interest the moment he'd had his way with her and in one way that fear came true. Certainly he didn't seem as interested as he'd been previously and he definitely started pursuing other girls but... He'd explained his position as they'd walked back to the Gryffindor Tower that night; he wasn't looking for anything serious, he thought she was a great girl, he couldn't settle, she was super but he just wasn't a one-girl kind of guy. She knew all this and nodded, smiling shyly, captivated. Then he'd moved on, still looking back occasionally, talking to her, joking with her, always with someone new.

But she still had hope; the one thing which gave her the most hope was that Seamus hadn't told anyone about their time together. She knew first-hand that he told hyperbolas and sometimes downright untrue accounts of his conquests, but never had she heard of him ever mentioning to anyone anything about their short but unforgettable time together. She'd spent most of the summer wondering why. School had started and when she'd seen him again, seen that quirky smile and lustful eyes, and also knew that he was never going to tell anyone about them; she was convinced that he saw her differently. Did he have a soft spot for her? Did he think more highly of her? She didn't know quite how, just knowing that different was good. For example: sometimes he'd make a point of going and talking to her, just to her, and it didn't matter if he was asking how to butter up this girl or that one, hell, her heart swooned when he'd shoot her compliment, no matter how crass; all that mattered was that he was a laddish ladies man, he bantered and laughed with the guys and chatted up and slept with the girls. Lavender was the exception to that rule, she was different, different is good, different is everything.

So when he'd sauntered up late one night and asked her a little favour, she'd laughingly turned it into a bet and shook on it. However, as she'd entered into the bet of sorts, she'd never considered two things. One, that Ron didn't just have a crush on his best friend but was full-out in love with her and two, that Lavender would like him enough to care. Before, he'd been another boy in her house, another immature moron who sometimes made her laugh but had never really been popular or special enough to catch her eye. No, that wasn't right. It hadn't been that Ron wasn't attractive or interesting enough to spark her interest; it had been her illogical and hopeless devotion to one of his dorm mates that had blinkered her view of him. Maybe if her heart hadn't been captivated by the Irish wonder, then maybe she would have started noticing the red-headed sidekick. Anyway, all she knew, in her heart, was that he'd never sleep with her whilst he felt so strongly about Hermione; unless driven to it by drink and heart-break. Part of her knew that it was the strength of his feelings for Hermione that made him so loyal – well made him refuse sex whilst not actually with her – and not just him, he was a teenage boy, of course he wanted sex. But he loved that unlikely girl and he would never set out to hurt her, would never want her to be drowning in despair or festering envy; he tried so hard to understand and please her, it was just that he could never get it right and let his insecurities get the better of him. He started most of their fights without even knowing how he'd done it, confused and angry at himself and at her, for not showing him anything of her feelings. Well, at least not showing him in concrete and undeniable ways he could act on.

In short, unless Lavender caused an irreparable rift between the two and got him blind-drunk, she knew she couldn't win that stupid bet. She could hardly look that heart-broken boy in the eye anymore. It killed her, but she couldn't see a way out of it.

…

Ron was still upset the next day. They were sitting on the banks of the Lake, after a long day of catching each other's eyes from across rooms, both introverted and sad-eyed. Finally they'd sneaked away before dinner had finished, heading down to their usual spot; the location of many shared laughter and melancholy sighs. Lavender merely nodded as Ron vocalised all of his frustrations and depression again. She felt bad for not being more supportive or sympathetic, but if she let herself get emotionally involved too much then it would all come out and it would be her weeping on him, begging for forgiveness and understanding. She had to remain cold and partly detached if she was to avoid revealing her terrible secret. He shook his head and she felt herself feel even worse as he said.

"Seamus keeps on asking me weird questions." Fighting through the fear and shame, she forced laughter out of her tight throat.

"What kind of weird? Normal weird or Seamus weird?" Her efforts won a small smile from those thinned lips and he replied a little less contemplatively.

"Just keeps on asking how far we've got and being really disappointed when I answer."

"What do you tell him?" Luckily, he wasn't really probing too much into her questions to notice her shaking voice.

"Oh, that we make out but haven't, got, you know, any further-" She interrupted, putting him out of his misery.

"Yeah, yeah course."

"It's weird, well, it's Seamus, but it's like he wants us to, to do it." Unaware of how deep he'd struck his fake girlfriend, he shook his head, laughing slightly as she coughed and desperately blinked, trying to force tears back. But he looked at her and noticed her distress immediately. "What? What is it? Are you okay?" Unable to cope, everything burst out of her, all the guilt and sadness and confusion, filling the tears with bitterness and wracking her body with guttural sobs. Ron, even more alarmed, instantly embraced her, strong arms supporting her slumped body and broad palms trying to sooth the jerking back. Concern steadily ripping his insides and kicking himself out of his selfish depression, he wondered what had her so upset. He'd been fake-dating Lavender for just over a month and already he felt that he knew her so well; they were so similar in a lot of ways that comforted him, just knowing that someone else knew and understood him. That someone else cared. Sure, he had lots of friends and two really great, fantastic best friends but. But he couldn't share all of himself with them, either because his inner secrets had to do with them or they were too involved to be able to be neutral or…Another reason he held back from completely opening up, to Harry in particular, was that he just didn't feel entitled to. Harry had the worst deal out of everyone Ron knew and he was calm and strong throughout most of it; stoic and humble, brave and accepting, Ron knew he was inferior in every way and didn't even have to deal with half of the stuff Harry did. Whenever he felt like complaining to Harry about something non-trivial, something that actually hurt or depressed him, he'd be reminded of one of Harry's massive and life-threatening problems and promptly shut himself up.

But with Lavender…It wasn't that he thought her a lesser person compared to Harry, because you just couldn't compare Harry to anyone else, it was that she, in effect, was just more normal. Harry was extraordinary and Lavender, along with everyone else he knew, wasn't boring, but was just, ordinary. She had ordinary problems, homework issues, boy troubles, she had arguments with friends; just like him. They were equals. That was it, they were on the same plain; at least when it came to their problems and concerns, Ron knew that Lavender was one of the sharpest, warmest, clever and most fun people he'd ever met. He shivered to think what she'd be like to date for real, if both of them were to get rid of all their baggage. _No. Don't think like that; remember the deal._

Although she didn't spark the same fiery, almost angry, passion that Hermione did, he still felt protective and loving towards her. He shared her joy and humour but also understood the pain and loneliness he knew so well; in such a short time, he'd grown…fond of her? Was that really the right word? He didn't know exactly how to express his feelings towards her; just that they were too desire-filled to be brotherly but not as intense as eternal, undying love.

"I'm so sorry, I'm, I can't…Oh Gods Ron I can't! I'm…" Her croaky voice was destroying him, he hugged her tighter and tried to keep his voice low and steady as he probed her as considerately as he could.

"What are you apologising for? You haven't done anything wrong." Sniffing sharply, she breathed in and broke out of his comforting hold, knowing that she just wouldn't be able to help spilling out her shameful secret. But…Those eyes, those deep, cobalt blue eyes; they flickered with the strength of concern they held. He cared, he really cared. He trusted her. He believed in her. They understood each other's pain, in all the torment of their situations, they only really had each other. In that moment, she knew that she couldn't break that trust, split their bond and leave both stranded. Who was she kidding? She couldn't lose him, she would be miserable and lonely without him; he was the only constant thing in her life that warmed her, he was her closest friend. She just couldn't, wouldn't lose him. Slowly, she sniffed and breathed in deeply as her mind whirred with different ideas. She daintily and blushingly accepted a tissue he had hastily conjured and impressing herself with her quick-wittedness, began saying quietly.

"I had a…an argument with Hermione last night." She didn't look at him, knowing his breath was held and different emotions flickering across his face, that innocent face. "And I think she might have guessed that you, that you like her. I wasn't exactly subtle about it." Biting her lip, she looked up and saw his expression, shocked but not angry. For a long moment, neither moved; but then, his surprise melted from a slight sadness and then, as his eyes found hers, a quiet affection. He smiled softly and cupped her face with a gentle hand.

"You don't have to be sorry, I'm not mad." Genuinely relieved, the joy spread upwards from her stomach to lift her face too, and she blushed a bit, smiling sheepishly with him. "Come here." He hugged her again and she felt like she was home. There was a warmth inside her heart that was as comforting as his quiet words; it wasn't the mad and fiery passion of Seamus' touch or the dark and sexy shivers that Seamus caused to run through her but in many ways, Ron's steady and deep support was as precious to her. She wasn't obsessed or in love with him, but by the Gods did she love him.


	7. Out In The Open

Chapter 7 – Out In The Open

It was a week before the Easter Holidays and the stress of last minute assignments and essays was getting to everyone; there was only one thing for it, an end of term party. Seamus rallied a few of the guys together and they paid a very fruitful visit to the Kitchens. Some of the Prefect girls arranged some casual decorations and cleared the room to make a dancefloor in the middle of the room; one of the 7th Years got out their record player and collection of Weird Sisters vinyls. Yes, it was really going to kick of that night. The whole Tower seemed to be buzzing after dinner, even though only those in the 6th and 7th Years would actually be partying. The girls quickly began to rush upstairs to get themselves ready and reluctantly the boys soon ascended too, to surreptitiously adjust their hair and hex away their spots.

Ron had made a little effort with himself that night. He'd dug out a smart navy shirt that had once been bought for Percy to wear to a wedding, straightened out the creases and adjusted it slightly to fit his larger frame; luckily, Percy kept his things in mint condition so it didn't look worn out so it actually hadn't looked too bad on him. Coupling the shirt with his school trousers and dying his trainers black to cover up most of their wear, he didn't look as shabby as he usually did. His face had been blemish-free since the end of Fourth Year and he shaved regularly; at least there was something good about his body. After managing a smile at himself in the mirror, he walked downstairs with Harry and it wasn't long until Lavender entered.

She'd curled her usually straight hair and it looked brighter than usual, bouncing slightly as she sashayed over to him; her eyes flashed mischievously and he could tell that she was in the mood for fun. In the mere moments it took for her to reach him from across the room, she managed to communicate to him that despite all that had come before, she just wanted to let go and just enjoy herself for one night. He silently agreed and grinned as he greeted her. A few of her friends followed a little behind her, giggling and gossiping and peering around for their boyfriends or fanciable, unattached boys to gush over; they eyed him and said a few words of greeting which he returned as smoothly as he could. He complimented her winkingly, knowing it would earn him brownie points with her friends who promptly 'awed', but after they turned away he leaned in and murmured reassurance of his sincerity.

"Seriously, you look beautiful." Unable to hide her delight at his comment, she blushed and looked at him coyly, genuine thanks beaming out from her clear eyes. He grinned back, feeling happy himself, and let himself be led by the hand, completely missing the glare from a certain someone in the corner of the room. He found himself in a kind of circle with Lavender and some of her friends, most of whom he didn't know the names of but seemed friendly enough. More people joined, Ron calling to a smirking Harry, who was joking with Ginny in the corner and purposefully ignoring his friend's calls. Lavender bumped hips with Ron and he laughed at her grin, a mixture of sex and silliness. He thought back to how easily he'd misinterpreted that look as goofy and laughable; but knowing her, well, knowing Lavender turned out to be unfathomably more fun than not knowing her.

Soon the music got wilder and louder and people began filtering into the middle of the room and dance. Before he knew it, Ron was being pushed and coaxed into the fray, joining the jostling and bumping. He was a terrible dancer and was sure that everyone was secretly laughing at him, smiling apologetically at a happy Lavender, he retreated back to the drinks table to make small-talk with a few people, trying to scold the sniggers at his terrible performance. But Lavender caught his eye again and he was suddenly captivated. He watched her dancing, thinking to himself how stunning she looked; the blond curls that framed her face bouncing, her face fresh-looking and animated as she shimmied to the side, and those eyes. When was the last time that he'd seen her truly happy? Hermione walked past and dragged his gaze with her; he couldn't see her face, only her swinging brown locks, and wondered if they'd ever even talk again. She clearly didn't want anything to do with him and if that was true then, what was the point of even trying? All the good times flashed before his eyes but for the first time they didn't cheer him as they usually did; it was almost as if he'd properly labelled them as 'the past'. Was that it? Did he think of them as over? As he lost sight of her, he turned back to Lavender, sad now.

It was never going to work with Seamus, he knew it, Seamus knew it, Lavender knew it, hell, everyone knew it; it was just that no one had said it. Would anyone ever say anything? Would anyone ever help her out of her misery? Ron felt terrible as he watched her dancing as if she didn't have a care in the world. He wished with all his heart that she would get over that womaniser quickly. In that moment, it crossed his mind that if Lavender couldn't get Seamus and if he couldn't Hermione then why shouldn't they get to have each other? He knew that he loved Lavender, exactly in what way or how much he wasn't sure of, but he did know that they could at least try. He decided to join her, damn the embarrassment, when Dean brought him back into the conversation. After listening to a few more funny Muggle anecdotes from his roommate, he turned back to the dance floor and saw that Lavender had gone. He sighed and drank some more.

…

Lavender was feeling a bit tired; she'd crept out of the Common Room to catch her breath and cool down, standing quietly looking out of one of the windows in the corridor. Feeling her heart-rate calm, she thought back on the party so far. She enjoyed drinking and dancing with her friends, but her fake-boyfriend had been the highlight. Ron had looked probably the best she'd ever seen him; his hair bright and fiery, eyes winking and full lips pulled up into a cheeky smirk. It was obvious that he'd given thought to his outfit and she'd really admired how sharp and confident those clothes made him look. Suddenly she'd really noticed him, strongly aware of the laidback and yet exciting air around him; it was the first time she'd consciously found him attractive, not in that abstract way of judging looks, but in the way that she'd wanted to reach up and kiss him. She'd watched him dancing awkwardly, blushing and grinning; laughing with his housemates, getting nudged and doing some nudging himself, taking a casual sip of something, eyes scanning the dance floor and then locking his gaze onto her, a new expression on his face. When had she ever seen him that happy? He looked so much better when he was happy. It was a shame that most of the time they spent together was worrying about how they'd get other people, being depressed that they weren't making any noticeable progress and trying to comfort each other's woes. Maybe that noticeable change in his expression meant that he was getting over his hopeless adoration of Hermione; that would be best for everyone. She was glad; he deserved happiness. A voice startled her out of her fatigue.

"My poor little Brown, so deprived of loving for so long, come here, let me ease the pressure." She couldn't resist that smooth voice even if she wanted to. He was leaning his head down slightly, eyes slightly heavy from drink, but the spark in them still clear. His lips were red and she felt their magnetic pull. Feeling lit up from the inside out, she let herself be lead, only protesting weakly, jokingly.

"Oh but Shay, I'm with Ron!" At this he turned and growled, more serious than humorous.

"I get so jealous when I see you together." He kissed her hard on the mouth, right there in the middle of the corridor, impulsively and strongly, making her judder and feel weak. Pulling away, fire in those emerald eyes, he studied her for a moment, drinking her all in before stepping away, hand linked with hers, and leading her into a quiet classroom. Her heart hammered hard as her mind tried to make sense of those unmistakable signals; he wanted her, he wanted her, she was wanted, oh! He pinned her against the wall with a strength that Ron never used on her, an urgency she'd never seen her love possess. Oh he was so bad but it felt…good. She couldn't describe it if she tried, all her nerves sparking and firing joyously and endlessly. Making out with Ron was hot and did actually turn her on, but god damn, it didn't even come close to this. Half delirious, she breathed out.

"Oh Shay…" He nipped her earlobe and growled again.

"I can't stand it," hands roaming everywhere, his lips kissed along her jaw, "seeing you with him." Her centre melted and churning, her womanhood pulsing achingly she groaned. His hands moved under her skirt and he firmly palmed her through her knickers; choking, she threw her head back, able only to listen to his feverish whispers. "I want you babe, I want you so bad." Bending a little he shifted so he pushed his hard bulge against her middle and Lavender had found Heaven again. Too caught up in their excitement, the pair failed to hear a small gasp and quick footsteps fading from the slightly ajar door.

…

Hermione's heart was in her throat. She was so shocked she couldn't even decide how to feel about what she'd just seen. Lavender and Seamus…making out! In her heart she knew that this event could lead to Ron finally ditching that good-for-nothing bimbo and that made her happier than she'd been in a long time; but on the other hand, it would also be a painful break-up, at least for Ron, and the thought of him being upset wasn't at all pleasing. It was hard to gauge his emotions when she'd been so biased, so emotional, so hurt. When the couple had kissed, no, when that slut had kissed him, Hermione had been filled with rage and overwhelming, forcing her limbs to tremble and her legs to flee from the scene as her eyes overran.

For weeks afterwards she could hardly look at either of them without feeling the pressure building up behind her eyes. Avoiding him at all costs was tricky and soul-destroying, crushing her confidence even more. But now she held the key to ending the pain.

She wasn't going to tell him, not directly anyway, she was sure that he wouldn't believe her if she told him, considering their current situation she wouldn't blame him either. It hurt to not be able to talk to him the way she used to. When waiting up for Harry for whatever reason, they'd play chess or just talk in circles, re-telling childhood stories they'd told each other a hundred times, re-living their happy and sometimes unhappy memories together. Despite their reputation, she and Ron had actually talked sensibly about their explosive fights, usually awkwardly, but both filled with a determination. They needed to clear the air to be completely comfortable with each other and so that's what they did, however hard it proved to be.

Wistfully, she'd found herself hoping that one day they would look back on this particular fight and laugh awkwardly, apologise and move on. It wasn't even a real fight, all it was that she disapproved of his girlfriend. No, whenever the weak thought pushed itself into her mind, Hermione would force it straight back out. She could be strong, she could admit that she wasn't upset that Ron was dating, or who he was dating; only that he wasn't dating her. In the run up to the Yule Ball in 4th Year, she'd hoped that Ron would ask her mainly because she wanted to be noticed as a girl; yes, she didn't expect Harry to ask her, or anyone else in their house for that matter, for some reason she'd looked to Ron to perform that act of realisation. She'd wanted him to notice her as a girl. It wasn't till after her heartbreak and subsequent soul-searching that she began to think about how she related to the boys in her life. Harry was Harry, too humble and heroic for his own good but otherwise an excellent friend; Ron was idiotic, occasionally funny but chronically annoying, and none of the other boys were people she considered friends. But the more she thought about her two male friends, the deeper she considered her relationships with them. Well, her relationship with Harry was simple, they were friends. She'd help him with homework, he would listen to her ranting and they generally had pleasant conversations.

But Ron. Oh Ronald. How could such a simple boy create such a complex relationship with her? No, that wasn't it, he wasn't simple; he only appeared straight-forward to the outsider. A casual observer of the Trio would assume that Ron ate a lot, didn't work hard enough and made other people laugh. It was the same conclusion Hermione had come to during the first Term of 1st Year, even some time into their friendship she still viewed his character in those simple terms. But the more time she spent with him, hearing and analysing his words more, she was able to slip underneath his skin. His dreams were endearing because of their ridiculousness, his loves expanded not only to Quidditch and his family, but to small little things she found she shared and his insecurities began to become obvious and almost painful to hear sometimes. He was as complex as anyone else, all you needed to do was put your mind to the puzzle.

Hermione accumulated all this knowledge of him but it wasn't until the summer before 5th Year did she sort through everything she knew and made up a picture with it all. The boy she found was incredible. His bravery awed her, his extreme self-deprecation exasperated her, but also made her glad he wasn't an arrogant twat – no doubt he could have been, considering how amazing he was – and his intelligence impressed her; it wasn't loud and public like hers, but quiet and methodical and useful. The times he'd come up with a solution or answer that neither herself or Harry had thought of, usually when they'd been in danger, were numerous and so easily forgettable that it made him so more endearing. She knew that he was pushed to the side a lot and forgotten; but thinking about it, she couldn't figure out why.

Spending that summer in such close quarters at Grimmauld Place soon became a kind of torture, watching him in a new place and new circumstances seemed to make him stand out, make his strengths shine. He was taller – again! – and had grown into his body, not graceful by any means, but he'd always walked with his own rhythm and now, seeming more comfortable with his long limbs, she was fascinated with how he moved. She'd watch him reach up and get something down from a shelf, how his muscles stretched and contracted, rippling almost with an understated power. He had handsome features, his hair flared against the musty walls, his eyes crackling with annoyance or sparkling with mirth; she noticed his nose, she didn't have a clue why, but it now appeared to her as not beautiful in its own right but rather, it was part of him, it completed his whole…look, his whole being. Everything about him was so attractive, she wanted to see it all, she wanted to touch it all.

From then to his first kiss with that silly girl, Hermione had been secretly cataloguing more of Ron's moments, still being annoyed by him and finding some of the things he did completely inconsiderate and childish, but ultimately admiring him from such a short distance. In a way, she supposed that she'd just been waiting for Ron to grow up; if he actually thought about the consequences to his actions (like not starting essays till the night before) and goofed around a bit less, then he'd just be the perfect boy. And when he'd grown up enough, he'd look around and notice that she was a girl, and then they could be together. What Hermione hadn't considered, was that he'd grow up unevenly; he'd noticed girls before he'd matured properly, and the girl he'd noticed hadn't been her. Did she really blame him? She didn't know.

Suddenly she ran straight into Harry and stepped back about to tell the good news when she realised. Not Harry, it wasn't Harry it was...

"Ron! I'm sorry."

…

Blinking, Ron half-smiled, a little red faced from drink, and murmured.

"It's okay." But seeing Hermione's widened eyes in shock and her pale face his eyes narrowed and he touched her arm concernedly, more worried the longer she stayed dazed and silent. "Are you okay? Where were you rushing to? Hermione, are you okay?" His worry forcing her to snap out of her confused thoughts, she coughed and mirrored his hand by placing it gingerly on his arm and plunging in.

"No, I'm sorry but I just saw, Lavender and…and-" She was interrupted by a suddenly upset-looking Ron; although he didn't say it, she could see the suspicion and disbelief across his features. He leaned back his head from where he'd been studying her expression and asked flatly, almost without emotion.

"Hermione, what are you saying to me?" Gulping, she unconsciously squeezed his arm and forced the words out.

"I saw Lavender and Seamus, making out in the-"

"You're lying!" Pulling away, he stepped back completely and shook his head. Sadly missing the pressure of his hand on her arm, she tried to convince him. But he wasn't even listening to her winced protests, turning and climbing back through the Portrait into the Common Room. "Lavender wouldn't do that!" And she wouldn't. Their deal was still on, they were still being all couple-y, holding hands and kissing and talking and laughing and being there for each other. Yes, Seamus was Lavender's ultimate goal…He stopped still sightlessly, the Common Room slowly emptying of people around him. But they always talked through their moves, they wouldn't do anything without the other's consent, it was how the relationship worked it was open and honest and so brilliant that- Wait, the fake-relationship. Their fake-relationship, their fake…Did he-? Did he actually love her? As in, as in love love? No, no it couldn't be. He liked Hermione, he was in love with Hermione, his best friend the one who, who…

Snapping out of his head he turned around the locked onto Hermione's face, looking deep into her eyes. He shivered from the depth of her gaze. Only a small group of Lavender's friends and Neville and a few other 6th Years were left, talking quietly, ambling slowly up to bed or pulling each other out of the room. Ron continued to stare at Hermione. Not considering what she must be thinking about his sudden and silent intense stare, not considering anything but how she made him feel, how he felt about her. There she stood, subdued by worry at his strange behaviour, her gentle eyes sparkling and mouth slightly open, as it always was when she was unsure of what to say. Warmth spread rapidly throughout his whole body. Yes, he knew now, he definitely still loved her. But where did that leave him with Lavender? He definitely cared for her, sympathizing with her struggle to get Seamus and her frustrations of not being taken seriously whilst trying to comfort her. Oh what a royal mess! Harry and Ginny came down from the Boy's Dormitory's and paled as they saw Ron and Hermione in the middle of the room, even though neither of the pair looked away from each other. An excited squeal sounded from behind them as a girl from the year below ran into the Common Room and shouted to the group of giggling girls.

"Guess who I saw doing it in a classroom? Seamus and Lavender-" She stopped as she saw Ron, snapping her hand to her mouth and looking apologetic. Despite the small amount of people, the room exploded with noise, the girls gasping, some quickly approaching Ron to offer their apologises; the boys in the room laughing amongst each other, calling 'heartfelt' condolences to the unfortunate boy, caught up in all the excitement and looking almost blankly at the girl who'd made his embarrassment and hurt public. She was blushing royally, looking suitably ashamed, and Ron was snapped out of his lost gaze by Ginny at his arm, pushing away the dramatic girls and trying to get him to look at her. He dragged his eyes up and locked them with hers, finding a mixture of sympathy and rage swimming in them; she rubbed his arm as he heard muffled scolding from Harry and Hermione. Suddenly Lavender burst through the Portrait and quickly finding Ron in the crowd stumbled towards him, her hair dishevelled, make-up smudged and clothes ruffled. In that moment, all hope and trust in her shattered, leaving Ron's heart cold and numb at the same time.

"Ron!" The noise dropped dramatically, all heads still, eyes flickering between the pair. The ashamed blonde was consumed with a darker guilt as she saw genuine hurt in his eyes. Oh Gods, what had she done? Ron didn't even know where to start, he didn't even register the people around him; all he saw was that beautiful face, red with shame and broken by something he suddenly couldn't care less about. His sister's grip on his arm tightened and he forced out of a hoarse throat.

"How could you do this to me?" She choked, eyes red and whole body almost shaking, caught and held still by his heart-wrenching words. Harry, with the help of a reproaching Neville, started to shoo people away, chastening them for listening in and effectively clearing the Common Room of themselves, Lavender, Ron and Hermione. Before anyone else could say anything, however, Seamus stumbled in, looking around and taking in the scene. He deflected the irate stares towards him and ambled closer, breathing in and flinging his arms wide, about to make a probably disastrous announcement when Neville put a hand on him to pull him away. The Irish boy shrugged him off and slurred casually but loudly.

"I don't know why everyone's so upset! It's not like they're going out for real!" Lavender's eyes widened in a much greater fear, Harry, Neville and Hermione looked confused whilst Ginny actually snarled at this. Ron only watched, mind overwhelmed by the number of thoughts and feelings crashing around into one another. "They're only together so Ron can get some action." Hurriedly, Neville tried to shut him up but the drunk and angry boy continued. "Yeah, I bet Lavender twenty galleons that she couldn't get him laid by Easter." Silence filled the room. "From what I hear she's been having quite a hard time-"

"That's enough!" Neville said angrily, and with the help of Ginny, overpowered the swaying boy and dragged him upstairs. No one else moved, frozen in their respective positions. Harry looked amongst the three remaining characters in this insane drama. Ron looked shocked, Hermione furious and Lavender…She wore the most wretched of all expressions, in that moment, Harry strangely felt for her. If Ron didn't kill her, Hermione definitely would. And didn't that girl know it. Suddenly Ron pushed past the two girls and made for the Portrait, ignoring their calls as Harry hurried after him.


	8. Reeling

Chapter 8 – Reeling

It was after curfew but Harry had managed to lead a trembling Ron into the Room of Requirement so they didn't get caught. By the time they reached it, the redhead's shock had dissolved and rage erupted from him; he cursed and pushed over furniture, shouting out wordlessly as his friend shrunk into the wall, deciding it was best to let the anger flow. He'd only thought of a room where they wouldn't be found and Ron could let off some steam so it wasn't anything fancy, classroom-sized with lots of wooden chairs, a sofa and a few mirrors on the walls. The chairs were quite weak, or Ron was very strong, Harry didn't like to ponder that for long, just watched as the furniture was turned into firewood; he was glad that his raging friend hadn't seemed to have noticed the mirrors. Eventually, the wronged boy stopped shouting, breathing heavily and blinking rapidly, as if warding away tears; but he didn't stop moving. He paced like a caged animal, face set, almost expressionless apart from his blinking eyes and twitching cheek. Harry waited anxiously, watching his friend's face very closely, expecting him to explode again any minute; he was very shaken, having never seen Ron that angry before, not even after one of Malfoy's more successful attacks or when he was ranting about boys feeling up his sister. He cursed that silly girl for messing with his best friend, and for his drunken roommate for revealing such a delicate deception in the worst way; he felt a bit despondent as he thought about all the damage control that would have to be done. He hadn't even gotten onto dealing with Hermione and her feelings about everything. Finally, his friend crumpled in on himself, coming to a stop and slowly sinking to the floor, eyes overflowing. Taken aback, Harry just stared at the broken figure before venturing forward cautiously. It was like he was being shown all the hidden corners of his best friend today. A small voice muttered sadly.

"I should have known." Cringing sympathetically, Harry placed a hand on the curled back, hoping it provided some comfort. He said nothing, again, letting Ron just pour everything out onto the floor. A deep breath and then more. "I should have known that she didn't really- she didn't, she didn't-" Cut off as he began to sob violently, Harry almost gasped at this sudden outburst and walked round, breaking Ron's closed, anguished position and fully embracing him, trying to pour all of his love into it. Quietly and brokenly, his friend went on. "How c-could I have been s-s-s-so ssstupid?" To his further dismay, Harry felt his shoulder becoming damp and closed his own eyes, unable to process what was happening. "There was n-never a chance! Ssshe c-could-n evvver- she couldn't e-ever l-love me back!" Wait, what? Was he talking about Lavender? No, he couldn't be. He loved Hermione. Well, Harry didn't know exactly what his best friends felt, but he knew that if they loved anyone then it was definitely each other. What did the whole Lavender thing have to do with Hermione? Unless Lavender had done something to convince him that he was in love with her instead. But running through his sketchy knowledge of Love Potions, Harry couldn't find any evidence that Ron had been under the influence of one. "It was a- a l-lie! It was all a lie!" Hurriedly, trying to stop Ron from exploding with anguish, Harry rubbed his back and made soothing noises, his mind buzzing with incessant and confused thoughts. He realised that he had no idea what was happening and would have to find out, fast. But who knew apart from Ron, Lavender and maybe Seamus? What about Hermione? Where the hell did she come in? If Harry was confused before, now he was just lost in the numerous hidden spider webs.

…

"Oh no you don't!" Hermione grabbed Lavender's arm to stop her racing after Ron, fury blazing from her every pore, she couldn't control her left hand as it slapped her rival across the face. Hard. The other girl stumbled, half from the strength of the blow and half from the shock. Slowly, the blonde raised her head, a protective hand cradling the reddened cheek. Both panted with exertion and shock; Hermione bit her lip before schooling her face into a cold expression. She deserved it. She bloody deserved it for the humiliation and pain she had just caused her best friend. The…the…the cow! She'd never felt hate building up in her as it was now. The other girl choked, her faded golden hair now flat against her head; it looked like she was breaking down as she cried haltingly and confusedly.

"I- I…I didn't…I didn't!" The brown-haired girl bristled; she wanted to scream, to fire out a tirade so biting and powerful that it blew that pitiful excuse of a girl out of the room, and far, far away. But the words stuck in her throat, clogging her rage as her eyes began to burn. She couldn't get the release, there was something stopping her. Fat snakes of wet tears were racing down Lavender's face, red and shining with shame and pain and guilt and her trembling lips half-open, stuck without any help from her tormented mind. Hermione couldn't do it, she couldn't lose control. Infuriated, she hissed, her acid tongue emphasising every syllable and twisted lips punctuating each word hatefully. "You filthy, pathetic, whore!" Tearfully, the blonde sobbed and ran up the stairs, leaving Hermione to pant and sniff, collecting her thoughts as she waited nervously for the boys to return.

…

Ron lay in bed, trying to stop the thoughts racing through his head. He'd calmed down under Harry's tentative ministrations and had quickly become embarrassed at his complete meltdown. They'd made their way back to the Tower without any problems, silent both to remain undetected and because they couldn't think of anything more to say. Ron had seen Hermione curled up on the sofa, chest rising softly and her brow creased in unconscious worry, but he'd ignored her; leaving Harry to gently wake her and send her to bed. He didn't know what the two had said to each other, only that Harry came in a few minutes later and muttered a wary goodnight to which he'd grunted in rely. The dormitory was filled with the sound of sleeping boys and Ron was infinitely glad. The idea of facing anyone except maybe Harry or Ginny filled him with a special kind of dread.

He was a complete fool. He'd honestly believed that…that absolute, bullshit. Wrong, lies, it was all false hope, cruel, cruel hope. Everything was shit and he just wanted to curl up and die. Every time he saw those sparkling, pained eyes in his head, he just couldn't believe they'd hurt anyone; but the drunken voice boomed the truth over that sad picture and everything twisted viciously. That fair, understanding face he'd grown to love spat at him, long shadows cast darkly across her features, now sharp and cruel. Oh Lavender, what have you done to me? What am I doing anymore? What has it all become?

The sight of Hermione the next morning brought everything back. It was the last day of term, the last time twist of the knife before he'd have the chance to heal. Who was he kidding, would a few weeks be enough time to get over it all? Ron tried to compose himself, gather his wits as he let himself be pulled into an empty cupboard. It was deadly silent and he gently worked his arm out of her grasp, replacing the pressure on it with his own. She started but couldn't go on.

"Ron…" That face, that beautiful face, she blinked as she watched those familiar features, harder and sharper than she'd ever seen them. Her heart swelled with pity as those eyes glanced up at her, narrowing slightly. He snapped suddenly, shocking her.

"Go on then, say you told me so!" He steamrolled on without letting her interject. "Oh yeah that's right, you never even spoke to me, never said one word about it, about anything to me!" Surprised and unsettled by this sudden outburst, Hermione tried to interject and began to panic as he wouldn't let her. "What, are we not even friends? I thought we were at least friends Hermione!"

"We are!" There was an intense silence in which Ron's tight lips contrasted Hermione's hinging jaw. She just couldn't think of any words to help her, only able to stare worriedly at him. When did his eyes get so hard and cold? His voice was calm but frosty when he spoke again.

"Then why didn't you say it to my face Hermione? Why didn't you say it to me?" Her insides twisting in agony at her inability to just come out with it and tell him, she said weakly.

"It's…it's not something you really…say, to someone that…" He didn't look at her and for that she was infinitely glad. Oh why was everything so complicated? Why was it so hard? She sighed heavily and muttered miserably. "I'm sorry." The slight crack in her voice melted his cold front and he let go of the breath he'd been unconsciously holding onto, face softened but visibly tired.

"I'm sorry too." She couldn't tell whether he was apologising or acknowledging her mistake or… He couldn't mean…?

"I'm sorry Ron, I really am, please, we're still…?" A lump clogged up her throat and she gulped it down hurriedly. "We're still friends aren't we?" He hesitated, studying her intensely for a moment, before nodding, gaze dropping to the floor. She sniffed and he looked up again and managed a small smile; blinking rapidly she hugged him and felt better when he responded, wrapping his long arms around her. They hadn't done this much, so they made sure to file away each sensation, remember each heartbeat of warmth and love. In those few moments, they felt closer to each other than ever, and their hope grew a little stronger.

…

Oh Gods how she hated him. The smarmy Irish git, what the hell had she seen in him? The red-eyed blonde paced agitatedly in a small circle round her dorm room; arms crossed firmly and forehead taught as she huffed noisily. He'd been slurring the same harsh lines over and over in her head all night, tormenting her with his captivating eyes that blurred beneath those horrible words. She hadn't shown her face since waking knowing that she wouldn't be received well, at least for a while; but the worst of it was that even Parvarti was shirking her. She genuinely didn't expect the cold shoulder to last too long, but it still hurt. She'd alienated herself from everyone, all for such a stupid reason: idiotic, pathetic bid for a player's attention, cold and heartless treatment of such an amazing and… just, Ron. His face appeared before her again: grinning, happy, joking and relaxed before twisting in pain, hurt, anger. Self-hatred curled up inside her tightly, coiling and hissing in the pit of her stomach. She knew it would be all around the Gryffindor house by now, if not the others as well; humiliation, not for her reputation as a slag but for allowing everyone to know about her hurting Ron, coursed through her. He didn't deserve any of it and she just wished she could convince them all of that. She had to get out of the stuffy room, needing to run and run as fast as she could; half-tripping down the stairs she ran straight into Seamus, glaring at a group of his friends in the corner of the Common Room. He spared her a quick acknowledging glance before resuming his frown and saying not too quietly.

"What the fuck is wrong with everyone today?" Lavender took a moment to notice that his comment was universally ignored before pushing past him and out into the corridor. Still in her head, she didn't realise that he was following her until his shout. "Hey! Not you too! Hey Lav, come back!" Not turning she continued walking briskly, feeling unimaginably worse as she heard his footsteps behind her. Still unable to breathe, she reluctantly turned sharply and snapped.

"Leave me alone Seamus!" He opened his mouth indignantly and she cut him off, livid and half-panicking. "You know why!" At her words he froze, something like guilt creeping into his face, he tried half-heatedly.

"Look I'm sorry alright? I didn't mean to say it like that, I was drunk!" Still angry, she didn't budge, arms now crossed across her chest and eyes blazing.

"There's nothing you can say to fix this Seamus! No corny lines or swanky moves are going to make me forget this! Forget how you ruined one of the best things in my life!" Confusion was rife across his face but it wasn't loud and it passed quickly; his eyebrows lowered and he was thoroughly subdued. He wasn't an ignorant fool, just a horny boy with a lazy conscience. He didn't mean any harm, he just didn't think; and that was all it boiled down to. They were all young, confused and hormone-driven; they didn't know how to do things properly, that's all it was. He shrugged, embarrassed to be caught not knowing what to say and still feeling odd at being blanked by everyone. She sighed heavily and walked quietly away from him.

She understood why it happened, but not why it had to hurt so much.


End file.
